I am flawed if I am not free.
Neque porro quisquam est qui dolorem ipsum quia dolor sit amet, consectetur, adipisci velit. -de Finibus Bonorum et Malorum, written in 45 BC

I'm a heedless poet with an incredulous need to impose my arbitrary mass of obscene and useless verbiage upon you.
Also, I'm just some random blogger blogging whatever I find to fill my ocular appetite.

Was it because
As a child I was told
More often than not
“That is not yours.”
“You must share.”
I cling to you
With a sense of fear
I’m expecting my grasp to give way
Any minute and you are out of bed
Out the door
Forgetting me
What kind of defect is living inside
My head
When I imagine living in yours.

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Matthew Stone - Novel Routes to Ecstacy, 2011
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Quid pro quo.

Before the sprouting of womanhood
And the latching of pheremones
The tricks or the trades
Before our childhood nightmares
Blossomed into bodies carved for pleasure
Glowing with delirious lust by design
I was a girl that hadn’t learned a thing of insecurity
We are not born with malice in our hearts
It is given to us
If memory serves me right, I fell into the first lap drunkenly
Before finding my way back to sobriety
I was finagled in figments
For years and years
Before seeing
That that love was blind
Because it was hardly love at all
It was possession
But even the darkness was a gift for it reached a part of me that only pain could reach
And it taught me something that only loss could teach
The opposite of love was never hate
It is manipulation
Obsession
And self-serving
I had met her as a child
Never knowing that the only man I’ve ever loved would be finagled in her fingers
Tangled in her hair
For years and years
Until he managed to crawl into bed with me
To save whatever was left of his glorious ego
Surely, you are as strong as you pretend to be
And you only accept the love you feel you are deserving of
Eventually his dissolved all of mine
But not without teaching me how to love again
I learned to unlearn and he taught me what he had never been taught
Our time was most valuable and he is the embodiment of what the others could never be
In the year that followed
I regained the parts of myself that I missed the most
I learned
that I belong to no one
Yet I am cherished
I am celebrated
I am worthy
And
I am loved.

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I loved you first

How many beautiful people will catch your eye
Before I catch a thought
I want to bottle you up
And drink you down in the morning
Maybe then my stomach will learn to settle
Though I’m almost certain that you never will
Our words are empty like I prefer your bed to be
For the months that you are without me
How many times did you run back to your past
To feel close to someone you had
When you were someone that you can’t stand to be right now
I am so tired of pretending to be stone
You’ve witnessed me crack in my entirety
Without compassion
Yet my compassion is all you take from me
I can’t stop going back to the past with a propensity matched
By the way you crawl back to each one

If I am without you, I am with void
If you are without me
You have won.

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